Hello blog-o-sphere!
I know that I have been absent for sometime. This is largely to do with my courses starting up again, and my sudden lack of time… also I have been chained to a library table, where I'm continually assaulted by my course-required readings.
Oh, the paper-cuts.
But, there is a light at the end of this tunnel - my birthday! Yes, this coming weekend I will be a whole year older and that calls for cookies, cookies and more cookies!! So, I hunted online and through all my cookbooks, and finally settled on a recipe I have all the ingredients for: chocolate chip cookies.
First: a rant about hunting for recipes. Did you know that almost every person on the planet who bakes has a kitchen-aid? I didn’t. I think hand-held eggbeaters are advanced baking tech. Kitchen-aids are a strange beast from Star Trek. I half expect a personal Data-butler to come with them (some assembly required). He’ll read the manual to you and make helpful suggestions about cooking… and maybe feed the cat (I mean if he’s you personal android butler, he might as well make himself useful. I won’t work him all day or anything. We’d chill and watch a movie later.)
However, everyone with an oven apparently has one of these magical Star Trek devices, and allrecipe.com was intent on telling me what order to add my ingredients into my mixer, or what paddle setting will most helpful.
Paddles? It’s called a spoon, people!! I mean, where is the fun in baking if the blender does it for you? The whole reason I bake is because I’m usually pissed about something. Don’t pretend I’m the only one! Who hasn’t made the perfect brownies (because they were able to beat in extra air) after a bad break up? My poor bread dough has to endure my verbal abuses about, the Edge-of-the-World bus system and how many readings I have to do this week (which apparently I’m avoiding if I’m busy beating the crap out of bread dough).
All I’m saying folks, is skip the SciFi channel baking and work out some of that aggression!
But I digress.
Round 1!
So, the first recipe I tried was angry, with little flour and lots of baking soda. It created cookies that look like teeny-tiny Frisbees with shrapnel.
NO.
Round 2!
Round 2 promised me the chewiest chocolate chip cookies of my life. There was a sneaky extra egg yolk to create a stronger bonding agent without the leavening. This recipe had it all!
Unfortunately, what it did not have, was my full attention.
I’m literate. I’ve just announced to the internet that I’m imprisoned in library most of my days… which may have certain legal implications that I’ve over-looked. But the point is, I’m literate. So why, oh why, didn’t I read the measurements before I started baking?
You see what I have in front of me at the moment is bowl FULL of dough. I mean that I can’t add another ingredient here or it will all spill over!
It started with the butter. I was so excited to actually have a giant cube of butter in fridge, as it is a grocery luxury at the moment. And so, due to my excitement, I added the entire cube, clearly thinking mmmmm, butter!! Butter makes everything amazing! MORE BUTTER!!!.
I added 1.5 cups of butter.
… what I needed to add was somewhere closer to ½ cup of butter.
Well that’s simple enough – just double/triple the recipe. Right?
Right. That’s exactly what I did.
Yeah, I’m sure you’re all expecting me to type that the cookies mutated into wild animals or the man from Monte Carlo tracked me down and stole my oven or something, but honestly this time my exploits aren’t nearly so dramatic.
My house will be FULL of cookies. That’s pretty crazy. And I will have to share said cookies with random people on the street or else risk obesity and diabetes. I’m sort of hoping the man from Monte Carlo DOES drop by. I’ll send him home with a tin of chocolate chip cookies. And then I’ll ask him to send his friends over so they can have some too.
Happy Birthday to me?
